If At First You Don't Succeed..........

Ignatio Vargas
made history when he received the longest sentence in Merced County CA history for the repeat rape of an 8 year old girl which continued for 2 years. Vargas was sentenced to 588 years in prison. The District Attorney said this about the sentence:

"The punishment is proportional to what the people of California said they want for raping a victim. The other thing about getting a really high sentence like this, it guarantees he'll never get out."

Vargas has again made the headlines by attempting suicide by slashing his throat. His attempt proved unsuccessful as prison guards found him and he was rushed to the hospital. He is now described as being in "a stable condition."

Once Vargas has recovered, he will be returned to the prison and placed on suicide watch. But hey, we'd like to remind Vargas of that old saying

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!

Risk factors and warning signs

I got these from a pamphlet at my local military Family Services Center. These are some of the key risk factors and warning signs that one's children may be at risk of attack from child predators (however much they profess their 'love' of children).

-Single parent with young children.
-Desperate for outside help.
-Demanding work schedule.
-Habitual reliance on child care.
-Male friends that demonstrate an above average interest in one's children.
-Male friends that routinely arrange, or ask for, "alone time" with one's children.
-Male extended family members that demonstrate the above two factors.
-Female friends or extended family members that appear to be jealous of your children.
-One's child suddenly demonstrates dislike, or fear of a family friend.

These are "no brainers," but many may be in similar situations and not even have a clue that they are at risk. Parental vigilance is crucial. Supervise your kids, talk to your kids, and don't have absolute, blind faith in family friends. Your kids are right: There is such a thing as monsters; they're called pedophiles.

Stranger Danger Tips 101

The situation all parents fear is abduction - especially when on the way to & from school - where we may not always know where they are.

Tips to teach kiddies:

If someone in a car asks directions - move away from the car & yell if necessary

If a car is following you slowly - run in the opposite direction. You can turn quicker than they can

Your Address & mobile phone number

Where safe houses are

To go into a shop

To SCREAM at the top of their voice - WORDS: 'that hurts' is always good

To be aware of their environment - the cars, people, houses etc on their trip

To occasionally (by agreement with parents) to change their route

To trust their danger feelings

To ride a bike.

Have a code word - that only you and your kids know - agree that if someone has to pick them up other than you - they will say the code word. The dogs name is a good one for small kids.

Trust & Stranger Danger

The question has been raised regarding the issue of Trust. How do we recognise a paedophile? How do they infiltrate our communities and earn our trust?

The answer is both obvious and one to keep us on our guard.

They earn our trust by being trustworthy. By being kind, caring, by enjoying our company and that of our children; by being the individuals who will assist when assistance is required, will pick up the kids from school in emergencies and help us. By being trusted family members, work colleagues and neighbours; the gentle, lonely man across the street, the family man with the well behaved children who attend the same church.

Scared? Well, there are steps that can be taken to mitigate the risk to our families.

1. Talk to your children

I cannot emphasise this enough! Talk to your children about people, about how some families maybe different to your own: in structure and belief systems; talk about how different families interact with each other; teach your children about respect and consideration. Respect for themselves, others and property. Teach them that it is NEVER ok to hurt another person, to consider the words they use. Teach them behaviour (impulse) control; that they are in charge of their emotions and their bodies.

Teach them trust. Trust in their feelings, talk to them about intuition and gut feelings, the fact that everything they have ever learnt is stored in their brains and can be retrieved – sometimes those feelings are retrieved via emotions – discuss the way their bodies interpret emotion: feeling nervous or scared might make them feel like they have butterflies in their tummies – or a big rock at the bottom of their stomach. Teach them to trust those danger feelings. Explain the fight or flight syndrome – that their bodies get chemicals running through them and the chemical that takes over the body when they are scared or in danger, is called adrenaline.

Teach them to trust their bodies. Learn to trust your own. Recognise that a paedophile in the act of grooming is acting on your children AND you. Understand that you may not consciously recognise the signs – but that your gut will. AND TRUST YOUR GUT. Keep you and your families safe.

Keep the lines of communication open. Make sure that your children know – by example, not just words – that you won’t get angry at THEM – help them to understand that you can be angry at a situation they are in – without being angry at them. Be careful about showing your anger to them – particularly small children – they need to know that they can tell you and you will deal with the situation. The main reason people tell lies is to avoid getting in trouble, help your children to be honest with you and to trust and respect you by demonstrating trust and respect in them.

2. Why doesn’t Stranger Danger Work?

Stranger Danger doesn’t work because the majority of individuals who molest children are not strangers. Take the steps above, change the words you use – not stranger danger – but danger feelings; read, read and read some more about relationships and develop the relationships with your children. Ensure that your children know that in the event that they don’t feel safe that they should tell someone and keep telling until someone listens. Adults are people and they don’t always get it right – so kids –keep telling until someone listens.

In the words of the good Professor (Moody that is) CONSTANT VIGILANCE! Trust, love and respect in our relationships with our children will help keep them safe.

Looking But Not Touching

You’re browsing in a local store, maybe Target or Walmart, or even a toy store, and you are in the toy isle looking around with your 7 year old son/nephew/grandchild/etc. You see several children in the isle with you along with a couple of other adults. You are keeping a close eye on your child even though you are just a few feet away from each other.

You soon notice one of the men in the isle walking by the children and as he approaches your child, he looks down and, quite obviously, checks out his butt, gets a smile on his face, says under his breath, “Yum”, and rubs his crotch as he turns the corner.

OK, I made it a little too obvious, but I wanted to make sure that it was obvious so that no one could comment that the behavior could be mistaken for something innocent.

What do you do?

I’ll rephrase that considering our viewing audience out there: What do you do if you are NOT a pedophile?

~ Do you grab your child and run?

~ Do you go to the store manager and point the guy out and tell him to call the police?

~ Do you confront the guy right then and there?

~ Do you follow the guy and get his license plate and see where he goes next?

All of us NON- pedophiles would have at least one of the reactions noted above. Pedophiles seem to think that as long as they ‘look but don’t touch’ they aren’t doing anything wrong. This is a perfect scenario to point out how wrong that thinking really is.

Even if no one had seen the guy “checking the child out”, it’s still wrong.

Pedophiles don’t agree with this and that is why we have to be observant and careful.