Friday, April 27, 2007

Is science-fiction Big-Three Member (Robert Heinlein, Isaac Asimov, ACC) author Arthur C. Clarke a pedophile?

Did he leave the UK for Colombo, Sri Lanka due to his diving proclivities or others? Unawares: Sri Lanka happens to be the global capital for boy prostitutes.


[1] In 1953, Clarke married Marilyn Mayfield, an American. The relationship ended a mere 6 months later. Though Clarke is generally unwilling to discuss his sexuality, on this matter he explained: "The marriage was incompatible from the beginning. It was sufficient proof that I wasn't the marrying type, although I think everybody should marry once."

SciFi saint or closet refusist?

Arthur C. Clarke was in the news. Just days before he was due to be knighted by Prince Charles the reactionary old science fiction writer and 'futurist' had confessed to being a common pederast, preying on the impoverished boys of Sri Lanka, where he had lived like some sort of honoured cultural icon and patron saint of 'sex tours' for four decades. I had always wondered why he moved there and now the old bastard had just blurted it out.

Weigh in.


Lindsay Slipped ~ Oops

Monday, April 23, 2007

Is anyone here aware of the new effort against Lindsay Ashford? Petra Luna is calling for search engines to de-list Lindsay. (Hey Lindsay, here's a clue.....they can). Petra went on KTRH Newsradio and was interviewed by Scott Braddock concerning this effort. You can listen to it HERE

Scott also interviewed Lindsay. You can listen to it at the same location....if you can stomach it. It was mostly just more of the same old nauseating drivel that emanates from the words and writings of this sick twisted sissy-man. But there were a few things from the interview that I wanted to make note of. Let's start here:
Scott: Do you think that children who have any type of sex with adults grow up to be well adjusted?
Lindsay: I think that some do.
Scott: Do you know of any?
Lindsay: I know of people who had sexual encounters when they were elementary school age children.
Scott: And you think they're alright?
Lindsay: I think they're fine.
Let's stop there and first look at his one-time partner Todd Nickerson. Todd was molested as a small boy, I believe it was a fondling episode. To this day he can't come to terms with it. "Did the man care for me?" He still asks himself. Well, Todd, I'm sorry to say, that no, no the man did not care for you. He merely groped you, that's what perverts do. When you go on one of your rants, when you're confused and tormented by are asking the wrong people for advice when you go to GirlChat for answers. They are perverts! What do you expect? Perhaps you should try writing a survivor letter to your abuser instead.

As for Lindsay, he failed to tell Scott Braddock that he himself was molested by his babysitter when he was 4 years old. He failed to tell Scott about how he never told anyone, how it tormented him and he thought of it as a trauma, how screwed up it made him when he was going through puberty. He failed to tell Scott about his multiple suicide attempts and his bipolar disorder. His multiple hospitalizations in mental institutions and how he is still not alright to this very day. Yeah he left off that part. But, moving on....
Scott: So there should be no laws regarding people who for example do what most people consider to be molestation of children?
Lindsay: I think that there should be laws against any form of sexual contact which are obtained by force, coercion,manipulation or deception.
What? Lindsay agrees! There should be no deception! Then what do you call all that rubbish on your website, Lindsay? All those twisted and skewed academic articles? The twisting of Ken Lanning for example, and gosh darn even the DOJ report, you've screwed that up too! How do you explain the ethics behind manipulation of facts for the purpose of deceiving people, which is in turn to create some sort of change of opinion about you and yours?

How do you explain your actions? That's not why would you feel people should take what you say seriously and believe you when you say that you wouldn't harm a child under any circumstances when your entire website is a purposeful misrepresentation? Why should they believe you when you say that a child who was abused wasn't really abused? Or when you say your website is not hosted in the Evil Empire then try to claim free speech protection under the American Constitution? Why should they trust you to be a fine, up-standing man when you post what you know to be a form letter from StC....which they rescinded...and you leave it there when they request it be removed and your sole purpose is to deceive people into believing that StC endorses you?

Why should they feel anything other than repugnance when they see you mock society....or children who were abused, or murdered? You are a walking, talking, breathing LIE, Lindsay Ashford. You are dishonest, unethical, calculating, malicious, and unconscionable. But there's more:
Lindsay: I think that so long as there is consent and respect that children should be allowed to....
Scott: Do you think that a 5 year old grasps what's going on well enough to be able to consent to sexual activity?
Lindsay: A 5 year old understands friendship. A 5 year old understands affection.
Scott: So can a 2 year old?
Lindsay: A 2 year old understands pleasure.
Scott: So they can consent to sex?
Lindsay: They can consent to pleasurable activity
Scott: Can a 6 month old do that?
Lindsay: I'm sure that 6 months old also have nerve endings and understanding and an understanding of what is pleasurable to them, yes
Scott: So a 6 month old can consent to sex
Lindsay: A 6 month old can consent to activity that it finds pleasurable
Scott: And so you don't understand why you get death threats?
There you have it. A condensed version, but if you can bear it go listen to the entire thing. Let's see what the girl chatters had to say about their hero
Hayaku: She should get the hell of the internet. The last frontier of free speech, and a very exciting one, and a bunch of mentally ill christofascist bitches with nothing better to do than make stupid petitions and complaints try and spoil it all.
albertross: lindsay - you hit every ball home - i could almost believe your interviewer was feeding you lines from a script - he was classic, and you walked him smack into every wall on the court. well played, sir - absolutely impeccable.
Was he listening to the same interview I was??
Elminster: You're my fucking hero, dude! You have balls the size of Jupiter!
Student: Aside from being articulate, you have a delightful accent, man.
LOL, read more about that here.

"The Brits are really surprised when I say I'm
American, because my accent is really good, so
I'd say that I'm the second American who can pull it off."

For the record, he's from San Francisco and if you listen carefully you'll hear him slip sometimes when he's talking. Some things you can only fake for so long, in fact he did it in this interview.
Student: That 6-month-old baby he threw at you was uncalled for. I suppose he was just trying to trip you up and test you for consistency, but it certainly drove down the amount of rational thought going on in his listening audience, which was already pretty low. Lindsay, you have Balls of Titanium
Hierophant: I was almost in tears luaghing at the Texas radio host.
Trucker: TOOT TOOT!!! (NT)
Hayaku: More nutjobs that make no sense fighting us. Makes us look like the smart ones.
SUNDAYS AND CYBELE: cant wait for judgement day and the 2nd coming. BURN ANTI'S BURN!
Febri-chan: God bless puellula and Mr. Ashford until and beyond the end of the world!
Norbert: Who made a better case?
LOL I believe that was a rhetorical question.


Tuesday, April 17, 2007

"What am I getting at here.....I'm trying to say that I don't think there's going to be any huge revelation here, I don't think there's going to be any glorious dramatic change in society. I think that this is just one of those things that just gradually change until you don't realize it has sort of sneaks up on you."

So begins the "final battle" of Albert Ross. But what exactly is the goal of his war? Is it acceptance and tolerance? Is it the ability to upload videos to youtube without the militia knocking down his door, er I mean his plastic? Is it merely a tribute to 'Alice Day' the pedo holiday of perversions? Or is it something more sinister? Let's listen to more and see....

"So what does this mean? What it means to me is this idea if only we could have a little more courage and felt a little easier about the support we do have and confident....they wouldn't be able to stand against us. The measures that are being taken in parts of the US in particular and England and other places are very seriously unconstitutional. They are really pushing the limits of what any society is or should be permitted to do for a segment of the population and that must change. Right now it won't change because the people who are pushing these agendas have almost free reign still it is very difficult for those in our position to stand up and make a clearer argument."

Here we go again. Let's repeat ....not every country has legislated free speech, Albert. Sorry to burst your bubble but even England is not protected under OUR constitution. Neither are you as a matter of fact. You see, James, the American Constitution doesn't extend to Sechelt, British Columbia. But let's continue....

"It is one thing to point at what's wrong with the measures being applied here but that sort of gets washed away when the people pushing the measures...go 'well its to protect the children...obviously we have to take extreme measures because there's an extreme danger here'. That's bullshit. There is no extreme danger. There's never been an extreme danger. There have been cases there are incidents but its never been as serious as people would like to believe."

Hmmm... 1 out of 6 children will be molested every year? Or whatever statistic you choose to use........I just can't help but wonder how many it would take for James to consider it a problem. Oh wait, I forgot.....he thinks they are all consensual.

"'re gonna hate're gonna scream at me.......but when I think of Girl Chat, I think of you guys.....forgive dwarves sitting there in your smelly little cave....your vast layers of terrified security discussing bravely the horrible terror that you live in. Yes, I know it is horrible and yes I know it is a terror. But, oh boy, if only we could just accept that we have a right and we'd be there, and all of this wouldn't be a problem. It's beautiful, because if we could, if we could actually just be........

.......what's left of the damaged ones, the hurt ones, the people who do want to kill us, the people will in fact present a threat to us.......there aren't that many of them. Perverted Justice for instance is not a huge organization, it's way tinier than any of our forums. It's a bunch of really not very bright people and they won't show up very well in front of the general public. You know if it came down to an argument in public between us and them - we'd win. There's no question that we'd carry the day under those circumstances. What they're doing can't stand the light of reason, so what I guess I'm trying to say is that we're actually helping to keep the darkness in place by the way we're acting and the difficulty of course is that it's safe what we're doing. It's not much of a life but it's safe and we don't have to worry too much as long as we're careful. We're not gonna get hurt. But, what are we losing, what are we giving away in exchange for that? So it's not something I can advise anyone else to do. I've taken the step for myself and I wanted to find out.....I got sick of being caught in this dark space and find out what the reality was and.....Come on out, man, the water's fine."

The water is indeed fine because, you see, AlbertRoss is getting smaller and smaller. First he gave us glimpses of his lean-to with the plastic walls, the high-speed internet and the garbage on the floor. Then he tried redecorating by hanging sheets behind him. Then he crawled off into the corner and said it was for protection from the elements. Perhaps that's why he smokes continuously in the little closed's his heat source. But now, he's showing less and less of himself until his most recent video, of which there's been about 40 so far, you can only see his eyes. Pretty soon the only thing that will remain is a black screen.

To all the little dwarves in their smelly little caves.........Come out, come out wherever you are!

Local (ACLU) lawyer permanently disbarred for child-sex online chats

Monday, April 16, 2007


Chatting online about sex with someone he believed was a 12-year-old boy has earned a Jersey City lawyer permanent disbarment in New Jersey, officials said.

The disbarment is the result of a guilty plea by Steven C. Cunningham to one count of attempted endangerment of the welfare of a child, an act that “reflects adversely on his honesty, trustworthiness or fitness as a lawyer,” according to the New Jersey Office of Attorney Ethics.

On three separate occasions between September and October 2004, Cunningham chatted online via his home computer in Jersey City with a person he believed to be a 12-year-old boy, officials said. In reality, it was an undercover Passaic County investigator.

During the sessions, Cunningham “described, in lurid detail, certain sexual acts that he hoped to perform on the boy,” court papers said.

“He also described sex acts that he hoped to teach the boy to perform on him, inviting the child to ‘get together in New York,’” according to the documents.

Cunningham pleaded guilty to the charges Dec. 13, 2005, and was sentenced to parole supervision for the rest of his life, court papers say.
A similar case in 2002 resulted in a one-year suspension for another lawyer, but the state Supreme Court instead ordered disbarment for life, saying society’s view of such crimes is more harsh today.

“These rules change as society change and the court is obviously viewing them as among the most serious violations an attorney can commit,” said David E. Johnson Jr., director of the Office of Attorney Ethics. “This is a very serious matter and the court imposed the most serious discipline.”
Cunningham had no prior record nor prior attorney ethics charges, officials said. The disbarment only affects his status to practice law in New Jersey; authorities said he also is licensed to practice law in New York, but Johnson said his office is notifying authorities there.

Cunningham could not be reached at his Jersey City residence for comment.

Court papers say he was employed by the American Civil Liberties Union in New York, but officials at that office did not immediately return calls.


Damn right it was scary, for them...

Friday, April 13, 2007

Somewhere out there, there is a child that needs to be commended.

She was at the airport recently, with her family, saying goodbye to her grandparents. As she was enjoying the last few minutes of time with them, her peaceful carefree moment was lost with the sad realisation that some deviant pervert was staring her down. And, she did what all children should be taught to do when an adult is making them uncomfortable- she spoke up and informed her mother. And it's a good thing she did. As it may have just been the very thing that saved her.

The following link goes directly to Girlchat, a message board used by pedophiles as a source of degrading and exploiting the innocence of our children. The message was wrote by Jensman on Friday, April 13 2007, and in it he describes how he stared at a young girl, listening in on the conversation the family was having- hoping to, in his words "dying to find out how old she was, where she was going, where she lived, everything I could find out about her".

LINK TO PERV MESSAGE- Oh, my, how do I describe the other girl? This is beyond me, but I'll try.

In the face, she's eight or nine. But she has a Liza Minelli style haircut [though a different color] which looks completely out of place on her almost babyish face, which is very very pale and round, with hints of baby fat under the ears, though otherwise she's extremely slender, even skinny. [My type, in other words.]

She's exactly the same height as her sister, which is mind-boggling to me, given the apparent age of her face. She has the slenderest long neck I've ever seen, gazelle-like. She's wearing hip-hugger tight pants and a short shirt which leaves her midriff completely bare all the way around, but especially in front, where the shirt material is pulled up into a sort of inverted V. [My goodness, aren't navels WONDERFUL?]

As if the fact that he is turning a child 8 or 9 years old into some sort of sexual object in his mind wasn't bad enough:

Suddenly, I am alarmed to hear the younger girl say, to her mom. "There's a guy over there in an orange shirt who keeps staring at me." As I have an orange shirt on, there's no doubt in my mind who she means. Quickly I shift my posture slightly and aim my focus elsewhere, so that the mother will perceive me staring somewhere 'else,' ANYWHERE else! Which is what happens.

The mother's reply is voiced too low for me to hear, but it evidently pacifies the child, and the girl never looks my way again. Nor does the mom, so far as I can tell.

I'm meanwhile frantically playing over various possible explanations if this all leads to a confrontation. "I was just trying to figure out how old she is," sounds pretty lame. "I was staring because she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life," probably doesn't help any. There's no way I'm going to deny having stared. I owe the girl that much honesty, if push comes to shove. Besides which, I can't be the only man who has ever stared at her. She's outrageously gorgeous.

The three of them, mother and two girls, finally board the plane and wave goodbye just before they disappear inside. I feel like waving back, but don't, having been caught staring.

Ordinarily, in a situation like this, I would now approach the grandparents, strike up a conversation about the airport, or the weather, or something, and eventually get around to commenting about the two grandchildren, and try to find out surreptitiously where they live. Not that I will do anything with that information if I get it, other than to store it away for possible future reference. I would probably also try to find out the two girls' ages.

Ordinarily? In a situation like this? So now we know that this sick freak makes a habit of stalking out young girls, and then attempting to find out where they live- for possible future reference??

Thankfully, the young girl alerting her mother to this most like prevented this man from finding out "everything about her" as he'd wished he could have. And, while we should all be thankful of that- we should all also take note of the "advice" he then gives his other pedophile freak friends on how to avoid situations like this one:

1. If you must stare, do it more covertly in future.

2. Be thankful for small blessings. Rather than bemoaning the fact that you'll never see this girl again, be thankful you got to see her this once.

3. Be thankful for moms who are not paranoid. This mom could easily have gotten out of line and come over and confronted me. The airport security was very lax, and no one would have tried to stop her getting out of line after she had already passed through the screening.

4. Be glad you had the instinct to move thirty feet away.

5. Be more aware that girls these days are instructed to be aware of men like me and report events to their moms.

Parents, be paranoid. Because walking over to this man would not have been out of line- not for the simple fact that he was stalking your child, hoping to find out where she lived for, like he said, "possible future reference". One moment of standing up and defending your child from the sick likes of this man is well worth it- and it beats having this perv actually finding out where your children are.

I tell you constantly, we can never be too safe, we can never protect our children from these deviant sexual predators too much. There should be nothing that we wouldn't do if it meant keeping our children safe.

A Parent's Worst Nightmare

"You are a parent's worst nightmare. You are one nightmare that I'm going to put to rest today."

Judge Chet Tharpe said as he sentenced Steven Schurgard to 85 years in prison.

Steven's father had reportedly turned his son in for his illegal acts back in 2002 after Steven threatened to kill his father. Apparently he had an anger management problem. But he had more problems than that, much more.

When Temple Terrace police went to serve Schurgard, the man who test drove cars for work and lived with his mother answered the door with a gun tucked in the waist of his pants. He threatened police and told them he had child pornography on his computer. Police returned with a search warrant and seized Schurgard's computer and a cache of video and cassette tapes.
Though 617 child porn images were found on Steven's computer, including video tapes of a teenage boy engaged in sex acts in the home Steven shared with his mother....rather than face a trial he plead guilty to three counts of promoting a sexual performance by a child, one count of lewd and lascivious conduct with a victim younger than 18 and five counts of possession of child pornography.

All that was left was to be sentenced by the judge. He could have received as little as 4 years.
Steven Schurgard, who once called himself "a full-fledged pedophile" on his Web site, told a judge Thursday that he was sorry for owning child pornography and filming a young man engaged in a sex act.
But when some of his videos Steven had made were played for the judge....Steven hummed along.

"No one else will ever do. I'm still in love with you."

Is it any wonder then that the judge threw the book at him? We should have more of this type of judicial responsibility, and not just at the arrogant, in-your-face attitude of those like Steven Schurgard.

Schurgard's open plea left the length of his sentence up to the judge. Tharpe watched a video of a 13-year-old boy whom Schurgard plied with video games, drugs and alcohol, then filmed performing sexual acts. He saw a sampling of the obscene images from the man's computer. He was also shown evidence that would not have been allowed at trial but could be used by the judge to determine character. One video, set to the music from Jaws, showed Schurgard peeking through his blinds at a boy playing outside. Another captured him giggling guiltily as he flipped through pictures of naked boys and showed off literature from the North American Man/Boy Love Association, of which he was a member.
The DA "He is the very epitome of what parents lay in bed at night worrying about."

The defense attorney: argued that the 13-year-old had been a willing participant

The judge: "The only regret I have is that I can only sentence you to 85 years"

Trucker: "I think he was just doing what all of us would do if these damn laws didn't force us to obey them. I know the law shouldn't be broken, but to give an honest, wonderful person like that life in prison, and knowing that he would never intentionally harm a child is just preposterous."

Albert Ross: "maybe steve just doesn't know the meaning of fear, but he still gets hero status in my book."

Let's look at what one of those videos were, shall we? Is this meant to instill fear in the hearts of parents? Is it meant to mock society? What the hell was he thinking when Steven Schurgard made this video and posted it on his website?? Norbert said it was meant to be humor. I, for one, am not laughing.


Thursday, April 12, 2007

A man has pleaded guilty to animal cruelty charges after bringing a 7-month-old Doberman puppy with broken ribs and leg injuries to a shelter and telling the workers there that his hands hurt from hitting her.

Isaak Gowhari, 34, was sentenced to 45 days in county jail after entering his plea to the misdemeanor counts. The judge also barred Gowhari from owning an animal for three years.

In January 2007, Andrew C. James, a man with two prior domestic assault convictions, pled guilty to sexually assaulting a 4-year-old boy in Vermont. In a plea bargain, he was given a $22 fine and sentenced to rehabilitation and lifetime probation. Today, he walks a free man.

In the first instance we have a dog who can't testify. In the second instance we have a little boy with a learning disability who can't testify. These two totally unrelated cases speak volumes. What's your priority?

Who is alistaircato?

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

If you know.... *I* want to know. Is this a new pedofreak on the scene who hasn't yet learned the ropes? Is he so obsessed that he's oblivious to rules of conduct? Well, that wouldn't be unusual but this guy is simply over the top!

He shows up out of nowhere on GirlChat begging.....repeatedly for people to join his Myspace community....or his Live Journal. And while we all already know about's simply infested with pedophiles, still I had to go check it out....didn't I? Now this little freak wants some attention and I think we should give him some.

alistaircato -- Aussie Girl Lover
Location: ballarat, victoria, Australia
Birthdate: 1977-08-02

What are you trying to find alistaircato? What sort of people are you trying to attract to you? You listed 140 different interests and the only one that stands apart from the others is GOLF. Do you want to associate with people who would list these things as their interests? Well I suppose you do considering they are YOUR interests. Here's a sampling of what alistair is looking for:
barebacking, blowjobs, bondage, boy love, boybliss, boychat, boylove, boys in panties, child abuse, child fucking, child love, child molestation, child molesting, child nudity, child porn, child pornography, child sexual abuse, child sexuality, childlove, consentual incest, consentual underage sex, dad/son, daddy/boy, daddy/daughter, daddy/little girl, daddy/son, dating preteens, deflowering preteen virgins, family love, fantasies, fantasizing, fantasy, female pedophiles, forbidden love, fucking kids, fucking little kids, fucking young girls, girl love, girlchat, girllove, girls, gl, incest, kiddie porn, kinky sex, little boys, little girls, lolita, lust, man/boy, men fucking young girls, molestation, molester, mommy/daughter, mother/daughter, naughty mommy, naughty schoolgirl, nude preteens, nudists, oral sex, orgies, pederasty, pedo, pedologues, pedophile, pedophile activism, pedophiles, pedophilia, pedosexuality, perversion, perverted stories, perverts, porn, pornography, prepubescence, preschool, preteen, preteen ass, preteen boys, preteen girls, preteen girls fucking adults, preteen sex, preteen sexuality, preteens, preteens raping adults, preteens wanting adult boyfriends, pubescence, puellula, purity, rape, school girls, schoolgirls, security, sex, sexual freedom, sin, small boobs, small cocks, statutory rape, taboo sex, twincest, under 18, underage, underage sex, underground porn, unprotected, virgins, woman/boy, young boys, young girls, young little boys
If you go check it out, be sure and check out the people he's added as friends. It's an eye-opener to be sure. I suppose this is just one of the reasons that Perverted-Justice has listed Live Journal as a Corporate Sex Offender. Let's try to help LJ clean up their act, shall we? Report any blogs you see here that are definitely outside LJ's own terms of service by clicking HERE
You agree to NOT use the Service to:
Harm minors in any way

Letters to My Abusers

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you
- Maya Angelou

Letters to My Abusers is a website that offers hope to child sexual abuse survivors. As a means to empower yourself, as a means to ease the untold story inside you...this website offers something unique and powerful. It is an ongoing project in which survivors can participate as part of the healing process. I do hope that you all will visit whether or not you are a survivor. I promise, you will not come away unaffected.

One letter reprinted here with permission: Stephanie Gagos

Norman was an x-ray technician at a major New York hospital. My mother seemed to like him and we often went to see him at his job in between her many doctor’s appointments. The following occurred on the first and what I believe to be the last time he visited us.

Dear Norman,

I remember your white lab coat and how you worked at a hospital in the city. You were kind and pleasant, even humorous. I remember how you tried to talk to me and how I shied away from you. Then one day, there you stood at the doorway to our apartment dressed in a plaid shirt and jeans, your eyes grinning beneath your bifocals. As usual my mother was still getting ready when you arrived. I was to be your host and so I showed you to your seat and asked if you wanted a drink of water. You didn’t and instead you rambled on speaking words I can never remember. I think you made me laugh because I could feel myself moving closer to you. My mother called out to you, promising to be ready soon.

She was absent just long enough for you to molest me.

As I sat on the marble coffee table in front of your hand rested on my knee. You continued to talk to me even as your hand made its way up my skirt and into my panties. As soon as you started to touch me, I could no longer hear what you were saying to me. One by one my senses shut down, leaving only this strange sensation between my legs. I could feel myself go numb, removing my self from my body, attempting to pretend that IT wasn’t happening.

You heard my mother and stopped. Jolted by fear, I quickly went to the carpet and sat in front of the television. I pretended nothing happened but inside my heart was pounding and in between my legs the sensation of your fingers was still there. I felt as if I was the one committing the crime. There were no thoughts in those moments between the first and the second time, just the voice of my mother, calling out once again that she would be out soon.

I could hear you get up, your pants swishing, a determination in your step to once again molest me. You came to the other side of the marble table and sat on it, motioning me to stand in front of you. There as stood before you, you proceeded to touch me again between my legs. You placed my hand on your crotch and that is where my memory fades. As with most of my memories what happens afterward is a blank. What did I feel directly afterward, days and weeks later? What did I say to myself? How did I survive? Perhaps it was in the stoic numbness that I found my comfort.

For years I imagined that you and the others happened upon an opportunity to molest me, but the more I learned about men like you, the more I realized how planned our encounter was. It wasn’t until my thirties that I came to the realization that you and the others chose me long before you entered our home, long before you dared to place in between my little legs. As you asked my mother for a date, it was me you were after. I was the plan, already marked as less than human, an object chosen by you, for your satisfaction, wthout even a thought or care about what it would do to me, the girl, the human being.

And when my small body responded to you, I’m sure your twisted mind took this to mean that I wanted it. This is part of how you pretend to be sane and live an otherwise normal existence while you creep your filthy hands up little girl’s skirts. You imagine this unique connection. You imagine that this little girl likes you and wants you. That she is your girl, your special girl, there just for you and only you.

I’m here to tell you, that little girls want you as much as they want needles in their eyes, as much as they want to be set on fire or drink rat poison and die. Men like you delude themselves into believing that we are loving and wanting you back, when all that we are doing is escaping your touch; by going far, far away to a place where you cannot touch us, where your insanity cannot reach.

I now speak for the little girl I once was and that little girl never wanted you to put your dirty hands on her. She could never want you sexually or otherwise. All you did was create a physiological reaction, no wondrous feat. Nothing a real man would need to be considered a man. What you did to me goes beyond the fact that you molested me in those moments in my living room when I was ten years old. What you did forever changed who I became, who I trusted, who I gave my love to and how I walked in the world. Among the many parts of me you altered, you changed how I would feel about myself as a sexual being; making my attempts at normal sexual interaction futile and corroded by your violations of me. For years I would feel guilt about being turned on, about wanting to be close to someone sexually.

You did that.

You don’t deserve that kind of power.

Today, I choose to change how I look at myself. I choose to reclaim the power I've given you for so many years. I release the heavy darkness that comes over me when I think of you. I release the shame and guilt for having responded to you physically. I release the sadness over not being protected and not being able to protect myself. I release my anger and hatred of you, knowing that it will take time to let it all go. I release the distrust I have in all men because of the evil you showed me on that day.

As of today I embrace the sexual woman that I am and have every right to be. I embrace my divine right to my sexuality and love for my body.

I choose to take back my power and relinquish yours.

From now I on I decide who I become, who I trust, who I choose to love. I decide how I walk through this world.

As for you, you are like a dead man walking, a wasted life that could have been a light to others. There is the shame.


I don't know what ever happened to Norman. Like most of the men in my mother’s life, he did not stay beyond the first or second date. As I look back I can see how robotic I was and how routine it seemed for him. He seemed fearless and unashamed; I, guilty and afraid. Even upon becoming an adult, there is this emotional confusion despite being intellectually clear about who is at fault. I used to wonder why I didn't react? How could I like what he was doing to me? I felt unsure for years about how to read people. How does one know who to trust when bad men smile so gently, arouse so softly?

For years I would wonder where was the seduction, where was my resistance? How could I have been so friendly and trusting having been molested before? How could I ever trust myself? These questions would haunt me and I blamed myself for getting too close, for being “too friendly”. I blamed the little girl I was instead of putting the blame where it belonged. In retrospect I can see how deep my conditioning was to respond in a certain way, to not question authority, to accept abuse, to take on the blame. I was schooled in passivity early on which later became an engrained trait. I learned to stay very still and quiet as my abusers produced either pain or pleasure to my body. I never wanted to get in trouble or make things worse. By the time Norman came along, the perfect conditions were in place for him to safely molest me.

The attack is simple:

I sit down on the marble table.

He talks to me, smiles even. He is pleasant and gentle, confident. No jitters.

He puts his fingers in my panties and rubs them against my small vagina.

I am frozen, aroused and confused.

I jump and run back to the television when I hear my mother.

He follows me, sits down and stands me in front of him, then proceeds to molest me again.

There is calmness about him, an air of “I've been here before”.

I stand frozen and confused as his light almost jovial tone sharply contradicts what he is doing to me under my skirt.


While writing this letter I uncovered some of the anger and distortions that still existed within me. Some of the wording of previous drafts were modified to reclaim the power I gave him as an adult. It is just the beginning of the work that I must do, but it is a start. Just being able to say that I was letting him go was difficult in and of itself but the more I grow and discover all the love and power inside of me, the less space I have for the bitterness. I am working on forgiving him still.
Excerpted from "My Voice of Truth" by Stephanie Gagos
Copyright © 2006 Stephanie Gagos

About the Author:

Stephanie Gagos
has a Bachelors in English Literature and a Masters in Elementary Education. She is a writer and former middle school teacher. Driven by a traumatic childhood in which she suffered multiple forms of abuse at the hands of her mentally ill and abusive mother as well as nine men, Stephanie hopes that her story will inspire others to reclaim their power. She is currently working on her first book, My Voice of Truth: Reconditioning the Abused Mind. Future projects include Letters to My Abusers: What I Couldn’t Say Then, an anthology of letters from survivors to their abusers, the sequel to her first book, entitled “Reconditioning the Abused Body” and screenplays for television and film.

....And Everything Nice

Monday, April 02, 2007

From Fox News: “There’s a website that tells young girls it’s okay to let men touch them inappropriately.”

I feel no need to describe again what this website Sugar and Spice is about as we just recently talked about it HERE However, when Lindsay puts on his grooming voice, or his mocking voice, or his in-your-face-I-can-do-whatever-I-want voice, I think it needs to be discussed again. And of course Lindsay Ashford had a lot to say about this story. A lot.
Sugar and Spice presents the truth about physical intimacy and girllove to young girls
Sugar and Spice has the audacity to say – in a space specifically intended for young girls – that not only is intimacy with another person very nice, but that it is nice even when that other person is an adult…..
Then it dares to encourage these same young girls to challenge laws that make such contact illegal.
And then, referring to the understandable outrage of parents he retorts:
Of course, such activity has been declared illegal in most places and Sugar and Spice clearly states this, but it certainly would not do to have children learning that their parents, schools, churches and lawmakers are lying to them when they say that all intimate touching is ‘bad touch’
So be it. Let them be outraged and disgusted. I will continue to speak the truth.
Ok, let’s stop right here and look at that before we continue. We just recently talked about the fact that one of the results of child molestation is the destruction of the child’s ability to trust. And now here we have Lindsay before you today explaining one of the ways it works. Never mind that children are dependent upon their parents, that children need to be able to trust their parents, that generally speaking it is the closest and most selfless relationship with another person that they will ever have until they are grown. Lindsay wants to destroy it. He wants to take a vulnerable child…..and she most certainly would be if she went looking for answers on Lindsay's website……and confuse her with pedo logic. What is she to take away from this encounter with Lindsay Ashford?

That every single person in her life is a liar? That they are all selfish and have no respect for her person? That society as a whole has manufactured a system to rob her of her sexuality and to persecute perverts? So what exactly does she learn from this? How does it help her? How does it harm her?

This is pedophile terrorism. To completely undermine a parents responsibility for the safety and well-being of his child and replace it with cognitive distortions and pedo-logic. He challenges the child to go out and fight his battles! Encouraging them to challenge laws when kids this age, adolescents most likely are at one of the biggest turning points in their life. Not quite an adult and not quite a child. THAT is who Lindsay would call upon to fight his battles. But then, Lindsay is well known for delegation, for manipulating people into doing his bidding.

One encounter with you and your website, Lindsay, leaves them dangling – who do they believe? Who do they trust? You leave your nasty mark on them without even knowing who they are….what they look like, what kind of problems they may be having. WHY?? Because little girls are merely objects to you….and not only would you have laws meant to protect children abolished so that you can destroy children legally – But you attempt to destroy the girls in your attempt to destroy them.

YOU, Lindsay Ashford say that the harm to children comes from society’s reaction to child sexual abuse. Why then, as a self-proclaimed child-lover would you encourage them to go out and fight a battle that would put them in the same situation you are in? Running from place to place, an undesirable and hated element of society should have made you aware of what you would expose kids to if you manipulated them into fighting for something that they do not want. Something that is solely for your own benefit.

Now you and your pedophile buds would say that children don’t lobby for ‘their own liberation’ because they are repressed elements of society and have no voice. Hmmm This comes from the same men who say that children, even the youngest among them can give consent to sexual contact..... and use a child refusing to eat his peas as an example. Now see, you just can’t have it both ways.

Kids experiment – they develop. You want to inflict this on them at YOUR speed, not their own. Not only that, you want to drive a wedge between them and their parents...the destruction of trust. (It makes kids easier to groom from what I've read) You want to play with little minds – young souls who are vulnerable to influences — who do they trust—their parents who brought them into this world and are ultimately responsible for them or the pervert who wants to exploit them by sending them into battle armed with an incomplete understanding of the issue and an immature knowledge of the world.

Continuing on. Lindsay approached this story the same way he usually does. STRIKE BACK. Just mow the accuser down. He does this with personal attacks about things that have absolutely no bearing on the original complaint. For instance he complains that the woman who reported Sugar and Spice was overweight. But then decided that he felt no need for PC speech and proceeded to launch into an attack of her physical attributes and to predict what sorts of foods she ate and drinks she consumed.
Too many fried catfish, hush puppies and fast food washed down with a surfeit of cola and other fizzy drinks...and not of the diet variety.
Oh, then….perhaps these empty drink containers mixed with the trash and the laundry at Albert Ross’s place…would that be the type you think she drinks?

Or perhaps when you attacked a woman whose daughter was raped and murdered and found her image on your website……and you decided to attack her personally rather than face how understandably outrageous this memorial site would seem to people. Let’s see, you found that she had problems with her housekeeping. Soo I’m just asking you what does it have to do with the fact that she doesn’t want her daughters image on your website? I wonder Lindsay since you gave a long lecture about the importance of cleanliness and how even the poorest among us could keep their meager belongings tidy, if you were referring to someone besides this woman. Maybe someone more like, oh Albert Ross for instance

Perhaps did you forget to include the condition of Kevin Brown's home when Child Protective Services came to take his son away? I don’t know Lindsay. It seems to me that you might want to include him also, since – after all—your sole agenda is the welfare of the child. Right?

Oh but maybe that’s part of what Abraxas was referring to when he said he would protect his pedo-brothers no matter what. And remember now, NO SNITCHING!

And when you speak of little girls WANTING to have physical relationships with old dudes like you and um Albert Ross...

I wonder if you actually do believe that a little girl wants to be kissed by something like oh maybe.... Albert Ross?

Or to be fondled by hands like these?

Oh but maybe I’ve misunderstood you. Have I? What were you thinking when you wrote these things? Maybe you just WEREN’T. Thinking that is. Perhaps you were just….oh, I don’t know DROPPING ACID maybe?

You are absolutely correct, being a girl lover does come with responsibilities. Taking drugs also comes with responsibilities. I accept the responsibilities of both a girl lover and a drug taker. I would only correct you only on one thing. I do not ever 'lose myself in the abandon of an artificial state of euphoria" thus I do not risk losing myself. I do not use drugs as an escape, but as an affirmation of who I am. I maintain control of my mental faculties, whilst I let the dragon out of his cage for a season...

And when you replied regarding the Fox News account of this woman who had objections to you trying to influence and manipulate children and you replied:

Is teaching one's children by example to lead an unhealthy lifestyle not dangerous? Is this not in itself a form of child abuse? Sex is better for this child than a poor diet, that is for certain.
I'm sure that you weren't referring to your own unhealthy habits, were you Lindsay? Are you...Lindsay Ashford...the all-knowing expert on raising children? Are you...Lindsay Ashford...the best your community has to offer?